This is Wayne's World

What kind of fool goes to Ikea on Saturday or Sunday…..

You’d be surprised. You probably have. Don’t lie to me because I’ve been and I know there’s too many people there, so law of averages say’s you were one of them.
Fools. All of us!
I agree Ikea has some cool looking furniture and is a pretty cool shop from a design point of view but that’s no reason to fuck up your entire weekend because every man and his dog wants a fancy rubber placemat for there blue plastic dining room table.
For a start its always crazy busy when your trying to park in a car park clearly too small for a shop that size (I’m talking M62 store here but they are all the same I’m sure).
Then you have to go round each section (in case you miss that special something that will finish off your lounge or kitchen or….)……..The fucking lounge is finished! The fucking house is finished! I don’t need more junk in there!
Some people think its OK to stop and walk backwards!! Its like crossing the streams (Think Ghostbusters). You never do it. Unless your one of these dicks that thinks its OK to be walking. Stop. And then step backwards without regard for the poor soul behind you in the cattle market line. Cock. But its not his fault because the lamp with the wirery mechanical arm was cute and no desk is complete without one. Its all Ikeas fault for been so damn clever. I won’t be fooled. No more will I be suckered into the trap of needing what I already have (only slightly uncooler). Oh and then there’s……
‘We might as well get the meatballs while we’re here’.
‘mmmm yes they are nice but we’re having dinner when we get home’.
‘Come on….’
‘Oh fuck it. Lets have the meatballs and a slice of cake too!’

Why not go on a Wednesday, say 11am. No-body is there at that time. Ahhh bliss.
Or wait a minute…..Why not buy online. (And the heavens opened before me)………